Lessons from Margie

As some of you may know, BJ and I have elected to use a midwife to deliver our baby, rather than a traditional OB. We are working with a great group of three women at MCV and meet with a different one at each prenatal appointment. Yesterday we met Margie Rickell for the first time. Imagine a sweet, white haired, British Mother Goose delivering babies…that’s her.

Upon meeting us and hearing that we are both college students, she turned to me, smiled and said, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I laughed a little and said something about counseling. She then calmly turned to BJ and said, “and what do you want to be when you grow up?” He talked about working ministry in something music related and then she moved on to tell us a story. I walked away from that appointment with two thoughts burning on my mind...

1….As I sat on the table and listened to her talk and answered her questions, I was acutely aware of just how young and inexperienced I actually am. Just the question, “what do you want to be when you grow up?”…some people may think I should have been offended by such a question, but I was humbled. She wasn’t discrediting anything about my life, maturity or experiences. On the contrary, she was incredibly encouraging and she has the life experience to ask me such a question.

I need moments like this…moments when the humble spirit of another person acts as a mirror to my own immaturity, self-centeredness, ego, and foolishness. People like Pastor Fred Spivey, Peyton & Clover Harris, and Sara Groves are those (like Margie) whose humble and joyful presence has been both encouraging and convicting all in one moment.

2…I brought a laundry list of questions for Margie and most of them started with, “well I was reading this and I’ve heard about such and such, so I just wasn’t sure if that was something I needed to worry about…” Smiling, she lifting my hands in hers and paused (while slightly shaking her head). “You need to get out of your head” she told me.

Welcome to my world Margie! I plan, organize, analyze and get things done (aka – I like to be in control). Before I even know what I’m doing I pull apart of every piece of information and draw conclusions. I’m a psychology major who wants to go into counseling. That’s what I do! And at times, that’s a wonderful thing. I love that I see the world in this way, but sometimes I can’t turn it off. I’m beginning to see the beautiful opportunity I have in pregnancy to get out of my head and stop thinking so much…to practice being instead of always doing.

So I’m choosing to slow down, enjoy this time more fully, and rest in messiness of my life…because I have a suspicion that January will be here before I can blink and then everything I think I know will change.

The Divine Pursuit (guest post from Nicole Unice)

Hello blogging friends! I'm excited to introduce you to Nicole Unice today. She is an inspirational woman from right here in Richmond. After reading her post, check out her website and take a look at her new Bible Study "The Divine Pursuit". You won't want to miss it! I'm going to turn it over to Nicole now...

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Becoming a counselor is a weird sort of schooling. What other graduate program teaches you how to listen, ask good questions, and read interpersonal dynamics? Who but future counselors study nonverbal cues, birth order, and “solution-focused questions?” Counseling techniques easily transform into entertaining party tricks: “Let me guess,” I imagine saying to my unsuspecting acquaintance while swirling my drink, “your deepest fear is turning into your mother, whom you find yourself resembling more each day?”

There’s another side to studying therapist techniques. Developing questions that pry back even the hardest shell takes practice. And there’s only one person that accompanies me to sleep, to the bathroom, to work—other than my toddler. It’s me. I am the unwilling recipient of my own therapy.

So I paid attention when I got all emotional about the story of Jonah. Do you know him? The bible Jonah, the telling-God-N-O Jonah, the swallowed-by-a-fish Jonah? Think way back to Vacation Bible School. You probably sang a song about him or maybe smoothed him up on a feltboard next to a smiling whale.

Jonah disobeys and isn’t loving, or at least, that’s the point when we tell the VBS version. But when I prepared a teaching series for a women’s group on the book of Jonah, I found myself stirred up, almost resentful, of what Jonah had become in those children’s stories. Like Jonah is a flat caricature painted by a heavenly hand to make us feel good about ourselves. Hey, at least I didn’t have to be swallowed by a big fish to listen to God. At least I wouldn’t defy God like that.

I got emotional because I thought Jonah could have had some reasons for running. That maybe following God’s orders and going to Nineveh was something excruciatingly hard for Jonah, something that felt impossible to do.

And then the therapist in me listened closely and asked a piercing question: “Hmmm….interesting. What are your Ninevehs?”

Hmmm is right.

I pondered my own Ninevehs and the Ninevehs of those I’ve counseled. I thought about the pattern of fleeing, obeying and resisting God found in Jonah—and found in me. I considered the things in life that would make me want to lob a fat N-O in God’s face, modern-Day Ninevehs like:

Living joyfully in difficult relationships.

Struggling through a hard marriage (or waiting on a good one).

Fighting with addictions.

Battling fear.

Making peace with the past. Wrestling with unforgiveness. Learning to wait. Embracing uncertainity. Raising difficult children. Choosing to care for aging parents. Going back to work when you want to stay home. Having children. Not having children. And the list goes on….

Holy Spirit calling: Jonah is me.

Jonah is you, too, if you’ve ever wanted space from God. If you’ve ever escaped from Him in heart or in action. Jonah is you if you’ve ever wondered how or why God would talk to you—and if you would obey. I know one thing: Jonah’s not a platitude to mount on a cross-stitch and hang in the bathroom. It’s raw, real life. It’s one of the many things I love about God--the way He enters our disheveled reality. The way He knows our crazy souls. And the way He shows us His soul for us, and for all his creation.

If you can relate, take heart, and take another look at Jonah. You might just find a friend.

Nicole Unice is a counselor and blogger working in family ministry at Hope Church in Richmond, VA. Her six-week guided study of Jonah, The Divine Pursuit, is available as a printed version or free download on her website. An online community using The Divine Pursuit begins 9/15.

College and Pregnancy

I found out that I was pregnant on May 24. Since then I have learned about "morning" sickness (which should more appropriately be called "all day and especially at night" sickness), prenatal vitamins, never-ending hunger, and peeing every 45 minutes. My life changed the minute two lines showed up on that stick, but I have not been as acutely aware of how much it has changed until I stepped back onto campus with thousands of college students.

For example, yesterday I stood in line behind a guy who buying 5 microwavable meals from the convenience store in the commons. His dinners were set for the week! Behind me there was another guy hitting on some girl that he probably met over the weekend. Meanwhile, I was buying a Cliff bar so that I could get through class without passing out from hunger.

My classmates don't know what to do with me. They look at my belly, then to my face and then back to my belly. I can see the questions spinning in their heads and I almost want to say, "yes, I am pregnant...and yes I was already married when I became pregnant...and no this is not a surprise to me." Yesterday, BJ came to see me for a little bit. Then the scene went a little more like this...look at me and whisper to the person next them, "I think that girl is pregnant"...then look at BJ, "yeah, and HE did it to her."

The biggest change is that being back at school reminds me that my life really isn't about me anymore. I had already learned some of that lesson when BJ and I got married, but I'm learning it in a completely new way now. We both are. I am reminded of it when I wake up in the middle of the night, sick from hunger and have to find food. BJ is reminded of it when I feel too gross to get out of bed and he has to go downstairs to get the food. I am reminded of it when I walk down a crowded stairwell with one hand on the railing and the other on my belly to guard against flying freshmen...or when I apologize to my professor for how often I leave class to go to the bathroom. We are both reminded of it when we walk through campus and talk about birthing classes and cribs. Over and over again I am reminded at how our lives have changed forever, and I love it.