Let's Hear it for a Sabbath!

It’s been a hard week and an especially difficult day. I could write out a list of things that BJ and I “should” do tomorrow (especially in light of this week), but instead we will be taking a Sabbath…a day of rest.

It seems as though “rest” has become dirty four-letter word in our Western society. How many times have you said or heard some variation of, “rest…what’s that?” Instead of valuing rest as something we need before we set out to do our work, we often view it as the collapse we experience after running our lives to the point of exhaustion. Instead of honoring our need for rest and supporting the need for rest in each other, we feel shame and guilt associated with this sacred act.

And while I will be the first to raise my hand and admit that I am often the poster-child for collapsing rather than resting, I have to confess that I don’t think this is what we were designed for…

First of all, Jesus rested. Yes, he also worked very hard…but He would regularly retreat from the crowds to be alone with His Father. When God was telling Moses things like, “Don’t murder, don’t steal, don’t commit adultery…”, He also told him to honor the Sabbath. Rest is close the heart of God. In fact, it is often in our rest that we discover the heart of God. (for other scripture related to this, look at Proverbs 23:4 and Matthew 6:25-34)

Secondly, it’s unnatural not to rest. Running ourselves to the point of collapse when we finally “have to rest” seems unnatural. We live in an incredibly beautiful world and I cannot believe that we were designed to live such high-stress, fast-paced lives that we would miss it. The natural world calls us to rest. Our bodies naturally function better after rest. We are healthier, can think clearer and perform better after we have rested well. It would appear that our bodies were not made for the constant level of pressure we often put them through. Instead, our bodies need rest in the same way they need water and oxygen.

So tomorrow is our day of rest. Rest for our bodies, rest for our spirits, rest for our minds, even rest for our marriage. I can’t wait!

Lessons from Margie

As some of you may know, BJ and I have elected to use a midwife to deliver our baby, rather than a traditional OB. We are working with a great group of three women at MCV and meet with a different one at each prenatal appointment. Yesterday we met Margie Rickell for the first time. Imagine a sweet, white haired, British Mother Goose delivering babies…that’s her.

Upon meeting us and hearing that we are both college students, she turned to me, smiled and said, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I laughed a little and said something about counseling. She then calmly turned to BJ and said, “and what do you want to be when you grow up?” He talked about working ministry in something music related and then she moved on to tell us a story. I walked away from that appointment with two thoughts burning on my mind...

1….As I sat on the table and listened to her talk and answered her questions, I was acutely aware of just how young and inexperienced I actually am. Just the question, “what do you want to be when you grow up?”…some people may think I should have been offended by such a question, but I was humbled. She wasn’t discrediting anything about my life, maturity or experiences. On the contrary, she was incredibly encouraging and she has the life experience to ask me such a question.

I need moments like this…moments when the humble spirit of another person acts as a mirror to my own immaturity, self-centeredness, ego, and foolishness. People like Pastor Fred Spivey, Peyton & Clover Harris, and Sara Groves are those (like Margie) whose humble and joyful presence has been both encouraging and convicting all in one moment.

2…I brought a laundry list of questions for Margie and most of them started with, “well I was reading this and I’ve heard about such and such, so I just wasn’t sure if that was something I needed to worry about…” Smiling, she lifting my hands in hers and paused (while slightly shaking her head). “You need to get out of your head” she told me.

Welcome to my world Margie! I plan, organize, analyze and get things done (aka – I like to be in control). Before I even know what I’m doing I pull apart of every piece of information and draw conclusions. I’m a psychology major who wants to go into counseling. That’s what I do! And at times, that’s a wonderful thing. I love that I see the world in this way, but sometimes I can’t turn it off. I’m beginning to see the beautiful opportunity I have in pregnancy to get out of my head and stop thinking so much…to practice being instead of always doing.

So I’m choosing to slow down, enjoy this time more fully, and rest in messiness of my life…because I have a suspicion that January will be here before I can blink and then everything I think I know will change.

The Divine Pursuit (guest post from Nicole Unice)

Hello blogging friends! I'm excited to introduce you to Nicole Unice today. She is an inspirational woman from right here in Richmond. After reading her post, check out her website and take a look at her new Bible Study "The Divine Pursuit". You won't want to miss it! I'm going to turn it over to Nicole now...

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Becoming a counselor is a weird sort of schooling. What other graduate program teaches you how to listen, ask good questions, and read interpersonal dynamics? Who but future counselors study nonverbal cues, birth order, and “solution-focused questions?” Counseling techniques easily transform into entertaining party tricks: “Let me guess,” I imagine saying to my unsuspecting acquaintance while swirling my drink, “your deepest fear is turning into your mother, whom you find yourself resembling more each day?”

There’s another side to studying therapist techniques. Developing questions that pry back even the hardest shell takes practice. And there’s only one person that accompanies me to sleep, to the bathroom, to work—other than my toddler. It’s me. I am the unwilling recipient of my own therapy.

So I paid attention when I got all emotional about the story of Jonah. Do you know him? The bible Jonah, the telling-God-N-O Jonah, the swallowed-by-a-fish Jonah? Think way back to Vacation Bible School. You probably sang a song about him or maybe smoothed him up on a feltboard next to a smiling whale.

Jonah disobeys and isn’t loving, or at least, that’s the point when we tell the VBS version. But when I prepared a teaching series for a women’s group on the book of Jonah, I found myself stirred up, almost resentful, of what Jonah had become in those children’s stories. Like Jonah is a flat caricature painted by a heavenly hand to make us feel good about ourselves. Hey, at least I didn’t have to be swallowed by a big fish to listen to God. At least I wouldn’t defy God like that.

I got emotional because I thought Jonah could have had some reasons for running. That maybe following God’s orders and going to Nineveh was something excruciatingly hard for Jonah, something that felt impossible to do.

And then the therapist in me listened closely and asked a piercing question: “Hmmm….interesting. What are your Ninevehs?”

Hmmm is right.

I pondered my own Ninevehs and the Ninevehs of those I’ve counseled. I thought about the pattern of fleeing, obeying and resisting God found in Jonah—and found in me. I considered the things in life that would make me want to lob a fat N-O in God’s face, modern-Day Ninevehs like:

Living joyfully in difficult relationships.

Struggling through a hard marriage (or waiting on a good one).

Fighting with addictions.

Battling fear.

Making peace with the past. Wrestling with unforgiveness. Learning to wait. Embracing uncertainity. Raising difficult children. Choosing to care for aging parents. Going back to work when you want to stay home. Having children. Not having children. And the list goes on….

Holy Spirit calling: Jonah is me.

Jonah is you, too, if you’ve ever wanted space from God. If you’ve ever escaped from Him in heart or in action. Jonah is you if you’ve ever wondered how or why God would talk to you—and if you would obey. I know one thing: Jonah’s not a platitude to mount on a cross-stitch and hang in the bathroom. It’s raw, real life. It’s one of the many things I love about God--the way He enters our disheveled reality. The way He knows our crazy souls. And the way He shows us His soul for us, and for all his creation.

If you can relate, take heart, and take another look at Jonah. You might just find a friend.

Nicole Unice is a counselor and blogger working in family ministry at Hope Church in Richmond, VA. Her six-week guided study of Jonah, The Divine Pursuit, is available as a printed version or free download on her website. An online community using The Divine Pursuit begins 9/15.

College and Pregnancy

I found out that I was pregnant on May 24. Since then I have learned about "morning" sickness (which should more appropriately be called "all day and especially at night" sickness), prenatal vitamins, never-ending hunger, and peeing every 45 minutes. My life changed the minute two lines showed up on that stick, but I have not been as acutely aware of how much it has changed until I stepped back onto campus with thousands of college students.

For example, yesterday I stood in line behind a guy who buying 5 microwavable meals from the convenience store in the commons. His dinners were set for the week! Behind me there was another guy hitting on some girl that he probably met over the weekend. Meanwhile, I was buying a Cliff bar so that I could get through class without passing out from hunger.

My classmates don't know what to do with me. They look at my belly, then to my face and then back to my belly. I can see the questions spinning in their heads and I almost want to say, "yes, I am pregnant...and yes I was already married when I became pregnant...and no this is not a surprise to me." Yesterday, BJ came to see me for a little bit. Then the scene went a little more like this...look at me and whisper to the person next them, "I think that girl is pregnant"...then look at BJ, "yeah, and HE did it to her."

The biggest change is that being back at school reminds me that my life really isn't about me anymore. I had already learned some of that lesson when BJ and I got married, but I'm learning it in a completely new way now. We both are. I am reminded of it when I wake up in the middle of the night, sick from hunger and have to find food. BJ is reminded of it when I feel too gross to get out of bed and he has to go downstairs to get the food. I am reminded of it when I walk down a crowded stairwell with one hand on the railing and the other on my belly to guard against flying freshmen...or when I apologize to my professor for how often I leave class to go to the bathroom. We are both reminded of it when we walk through campus and talk about birthing classes and cribs. Over and over again I am reminded at how our lives have changed forever, and I love it.

Short-Fused Flight Attendant VS Child Slave

I came downstairs this morning to find the news on. A reporter was standing outside the home of Steven Slater, a flight attendant who opened the emergency door on a plane and slid down the chute after a dispute with a passenger. I first heard the story last night, laughed a little at the idea and then moved on. The fact that a reporter was camped outside Slater’s apartment waiting for him to make an appearance was disturbing enough, but it didn’t stop there. After following Slater through his parking garage and into an elevator to grab a few one liners from him, the story moved back to the network’s New York studio where they had a phone interview with a passenger who had briefly interacted with Slater at the beginning of the flight. THEN, they went live in the studio in an interview with his ex-wife. I turned it off, but not before hearing that the other big story was about Lindsay Lohan’s jail-time.

In other news…over 1,600 people have died in floods in Pakistan and millions are without food, water, and shelter. An estimated 14 million have been affected (thank you BBC news). Over 1,100 people are dead after landslides destroyed parts of northwestern China. According to the International Justice Mission (http://www.ijm.org/ourwork/injusticetoday), “More children, women and men are held in slavery right now than over the course of the entire trans-Atlantic slave trade….Trafficking in humans generates profits in excess of 12 billion dollars a year for those who, by force and deception, sell human lives into slavery and sexual bondage. Nearly 2 million children are exploited in the commercial sex industry.” Around the world, nearly 16,000 children die of hunger daily.

Where is that news? I’m sure that somewhere over the course of the morning someone mentioned the floods in Pakistan, but somehow that doesn’t seem to be enough. On primetime TV, there is a 30-minute slot for “serious news” (and even then, last night’s still contained stories about Slater). This slot is followed by an hour of game shows or celebrity gossip, leading into sitcoms and dramas. Finally we round out the evening with local news and late night shows.

Who is to blame? I would love to shake my finger at the media and demand that they report more about what’s going on in the world, but I really need to turn that finger back around to myself. If we didn’t provide such a high demand for that kind of “news”, we would be getting a different product.

Some may argue…”we need to talk about the light stuff because life is tough enough.” I can understand and agree with that sentiment to an extent, but we need some balance and perspective. I have heard others say, “well there will be always be hunger, poverty, and natural disasters. We can’t stop that.” Agreed. But just because we can’t completely solve the problem, should we give up responding all together?

What if we rearranged our priorities? What if we sought out information and demanded to know more about what is happening in our world? What if we spent less time being filled up on entertainment and more time responding to the world’s suffering? What if we argued a little less about which political party is more correct and spent more time asking our politicians to take action in injustice? What if we heard about floods in Pakistan and were so moved that we made sacrifices in order to help?

Many people are calling Steven Slater a “hero”. Really? I realize that people are fed-up with their jobs and he did what they all wanted to do, but a hero? It’s time to adopt new heroes and I would like to nominate some candidates.

• The IJM caseworkers working relentlessly to set people free from slavery
• The people bringing food to starving children (and adults)
• The person sitting behind their computer sending money to provide aid for those suffering

Taking action…We all lead busy lives and few of us are in a place to move across the ocean and be the hands that deliver the food/medicine or walk girls out of brothels (see www.IJM.org). However, we live in a country of abundance – even in our toughest times. I know that money is tight and it can be hard to imagine spending anything extra, so instead, imagine what you could go without. What little (or big) sacrifices can we all be making to provide help where there is a need? Check out the websites below and take action.

www.ijm.org
www.worldvision.org
www.thehungersite.com

If you know of other resources like these, please post them!

When Visitors Call

I just had an experience that I’m sure many of you can relate to.

First, a little background…Our apartment has been a bit of a disaster recently. A large part of that is a direct result of how I’ve been feeling in my first trimester. Until this past week, my energy has been completely depleted by 5:00 PM everyday. And with a full day’s work ending for BJ and I at that same time, cleaning has fallen by the wayside. BJ has been wonderful in helping keep things together, but that is a lot for one person (especially when he is also cooking meals and buying groceries because I can’t think about food without feeling nauseas). The beautiful news is that the morning sickness is beginning to pass! The bad news is that our apartment is such a mess that neither of us wants to be in it.

Back to today…I was out running errands when I received a surprise phone call from some amazing friends who wanted to stop by and visit me. I was excited to take them up on the offer and then rushed home to begin cleaning the living room and bathroom (aka - the areas they would see). I hid items in other rooms and closed the doors, giving the illusion that the rest of the home looked like the two rooms on display. The clean-up was made complete by turning on some Allison Kraus, reapplying my makeup and flossing away the remnants of my lunch. Now my apartment looked fresh and so did I!

I’m sure you can relate to my panic. As things came together enough for me to welcome company, I thought about how nice everything felt and I wished I made space to enjoy my home like that more often. Then I remembered something I read earlier in the week. Paul is writing about what is expected for leaders in the church. In 1 Timothy 3:4-5 he says that “ He must be one who manages his own household well…if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will take care of the church of God?” I realize that Paul was speaking more specifically to a man’s family, but I couldn’t help but feel a connection to my messy home.

Disclaimer: Please understand two things before reading on. (1) I am NOT saying that we need to keep spotless homes. Life is full of messiness and I believe that we need to give ourselves grace and room to let things fall apart. I recognize that the first trimester of pregnancy is a unique time and that housework really couldn’t be a top priority. (2) I am also not endorsing the idea that we should put on a good face for our friends and give them the impression that our homes (or our lives) are perfect and without blemish. Honesty and vulnerability are two of the most beautiful things we can offer the world. Both of these points could be separate conversations within themselves. This post isn’t about addressing either of them.

So here’s my question…Why is it that when we find out someone is coming over, we frantically try to get our stuff together? Why is it suddenly more important because someone else is looking? Taking care of what I’ve been given should be important regardless of whether or not I have an audience. An audience can give me the applause that I love, but then my motive is about pleasing them. Instead, my motive should be about honoring God by being a good steward with the gifts he has given me.

Whether it is our home, our belongings, our health, our finances, or something else He has given us, we are called to be responsible with it. I need to care for my home by keeping up with it. I should take care of the body He gave me by eating well, exercising and resting. He gave me my mind, but it’s my responsibility to care for it by honoring my mental health. BJ and I are constantly sustained financially through His provision and we are called to be wise and discerning in how we spend that money in return. We have been blessed with more than we need in every area of our lives…and it is our job to honor God with how we treat those blessings.

What about you?

Do you find yourself more willing to take care of things that people see?

What has God given you that you could be a better steward of?

Disappointment After Joy

In The Screwtape Letters, C.S Lewis writes about the “disappointment” that comes “on the threshold of every human endeavour...It occurs when the boy who has been enchanted in the nursery by Stories from the Odyssey buckles down to really learning Greek. It occurs when lovers have got married and begin the real task of learning to live together. In every department of life it marks the transition from dreaming aspiration to laborious doing.”

If we’re honest, I think that most of us would admit that when we finally get what we dreamed of, we typically experience some initial disappointment. We dream of new adventures filled with exciting unknowns, but once we are staring those unknowns in the face we suddenly aren’t so sure we want the adventure anymore.

The Israelites had been slaves in Egypt for over 400 years when Moses told Pharaoh to let them go. Their captivity was miserable and they had been praying for freedom for centuries, but as soon as they got out, they started complaining. This wasn’t what they had expected! They even went so far as to talk about going back to Egypt and about how “good” Egypt was to them. God had not called them into the wilderness forever, but He did ask them to walk through a dry and difficult place on their way to abundance.

Making a decision to accept and follow Christ…Going off to college…Getting married...Starting a new job…Training for a marathon or a big hike…Having a baby…Moving to a foreign country….it all sounds so thrilling at first! However, our dreams of great adventures seldom include the reality of the hard work required to get there. The question is, how do we respond when we are faced with the hard work of our dreams coming true? What happens when the initial emotions wear thin and we are left with tough labor?

We can choose to…

1. Quit/Never do anything new
2. Complain
3. Accept the work as part of the road to the dream and surrender

This has been my reality over the past month. BJ and I recently followed God into a new season of our lives by leaving our jobs and stepping out into the unknown. We talked before hand about how it would be difficult to adjust and how excited we were for the challenge. Then the challenge actually got here and we (meaning mostly me) wanted to panic. Ten days into this transition, we found out that I was pregnant. We were thrilled. For a week and a half I felt as though I was floating I was so happy. Then the morning sickness hit me (which should more appropriately be called “all day nausea”). Honestly, at first I was happy to be feeling bad. It told me that things were working! Then after a few days of feeling bad all the time, I started to break. It was in the midst of this that I read the words of CS Lewis. I was reminded that all of this is a part of the road to the good things God has for us.

God knew what He was doing with the Israelites. He didn’t take them out of slavery so that they could die in the wilderness. But He did ask them to walk through the wilderness to get the good things He had for them. Unfortunately, they complained and took things into their own hands, ultimately causing them to stay in the wilderness for 40 years.

He knows what He is doing with us too. But how will we respond?

Lewis went on to explain that he believed God allows us to feel this disappointment because of His love for us. He chooses to let us be free and not to carry us. He never abandons us in the wilderness, but He does let us walk through it. There are so many things to be gained in the dry stages of disappointment if we are willing to surrender. We can quit and/or complain, or we can surrender to God and to the process He is taking us through.

What do you think? When have you experienced the disappointment that comes with new things? What was on the other side?

Watering My Own Yard

My good friend and sister, Nastassia, posted a quote last week that consequently caused a huge shift in my thinking. In talking about marriages, pastor Rick Warren said “The grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence. The grass is greener where you water it.”

19 words. That’s it. But I haven’t been able to get those 19 words out of my head in over a week.

I know that marriages take work, but I often forget how much work is required for other areas of my life (such as rest, my relationship with God, my relationships with other people, the way I spend my time and money, etc). Instead, I am so quick to assume that the grass is greener in someone else’s life. If you ask my parents, they will likely tell you that I have always been this way. Growing up, I was only content as long as I didn’t see something that looked better. As soon as I found something that appeared "greener", I worked to achieve or become whatever it was. The same is true today.

Driving to work this morning, I thought about how little time I spend doing the things I say I want to do (such as writing. sitting and listening to music, read, and other things that equal rest). In this particular moment I was also listening to Sara Groves (shocking, I know). She is one of the most peaceful women I have ever seen or heard. I made a mental list of the things I want to do, reflected on how unhappy I am that I so rarely do them, and was then jealous of the peaceful surrender that Sara Groves seems to live in. As soon as the thought entered my head I could almost audibly hear God say, “Well, do something about it. Water your own yard.” He didn’t say, “It’s ok Cara. You’re very busy and responsible. Let me rub your back and you just tell me about all the big important things you do and how you have no time for anything else.” Instead, He told me to do something about it. He told me to stop whining and start watering my own grass.

It’s not that I can’t read a book, sit and listen to music, or write a blog on a regular basis. I choose not to. I choose not to every time I choose to play on BJ’s iPhone, stay up watching TV, or find some other method of empty distraction. And I’ll be honest, I would love to believe that I just can’t do any of those things. The truth is that I can do all of those things, but it will require that I choose to give up other things.

It’s so much easier to believe that the grass is greener somewhere else. Then we never have to deal with our own yards.

trading in my clothes for a paper bag

What would happen if I had to interact with the world around me wearing a large brown potato sack, no make-up, and I couldn't tell anyone about my "achievements"? I couldn't tell people about my education...I could tell them about any of my titles or roles....I couldn't tell them about my skills...I couldn't rattle off any of the things I like to use to try to earn my place in the world. What would happen?

I was struck by this idea the other night and then immediately convicted by the plethora of trophies I use to define myself and assign value to my presence in the world. What would happen if I took all of these things away? What would be left?

What would happen?

The first thing that would happen would likely be a total freak-out on my part. I'd run and hide! After all, who would want me if all of that was taken away? I imagine myself much like Eve in the garden...hiding in the bushes, fearing being found. The interesting thing is, I am already hiding. I hide behind my trophies because I don't believe that I am enough without them.

As I type this blog I am sitting across the table from my wonderful husband. He didn't marry me because of my skill set. At no point in our dating did BJ say, "Hmm...she sure can make a good casserole. Now that's a keeper!" He married me for my presence. He married me because of the woman that God created. He loves that woman without apologies, so why don't I? Why do I "apologize" for myself by trying to prove to the world that I am good enough to be here? Good enough to be loved?

I'll be honest, I thought I had climbed this mountain and successfully reached the other side. After years of struggling with my sense of worth, I took a deep breath and "moved on" from my insecurities. No more fears about my value from now on! It's smooth sailing from here on out! Right? Oh wait...you mean this is an on going process? I'm just scratching the surface? Cool. If you need me I'll be hiding behind that bush. Thanks.

Seriously though, this is a process. The work I have done here before was good, but it wasn't complete. I'm guessing it won't be complete until I am with the One who made me. So rather than hiding, I have to keep working. And while the work to let go of these chains may not be complete, I am complete.

What would be left?

I am not the sum of my achievements. My life is not a resume (taken from "The Art of Being"). I am a loved daughter of God. I am beautiful and complete as His creation. I will not insult Him by apologizing for His creation. Anything I do is to enhance His Kingdom, not mine. As long as my efforts are focused on building up my Kingdom, I will fail miserably.

Regardless of whether or not we love Him back, we are all desperately loved by our Creator. His work is perfect and complete. There is nothing that we can do to improve upon it.

Psalm 46:10

"Cease striving and know that I am God"

Like I said, this is a process and I will fall down and get up many times before I'm done...but I will not hide.

blogging...the everest of an over analyzer

I have been "thinking" about blogging for several months, but I know myself well enough to know that I think about things like this way too much. I didn't want to start because I knew that it would take me forever to post even simplest of thoughts.

So rather than continuing to contemplate whether or not I have the time to sit down and write, I have decided to just sit down and write. whatever happens, happens.

the idea of writing with no reservations and not being concerned with the "perfection" of the outcome is terrifying to me. what if you read this and silently laugh at the words I chose? what if you read this and see vulnerable glimpses of my heart and don't like it?

there is no freedom in fear though. so rather than continuing to hide in my thoughts of "some day I should write a blog...but not today...there's not enough time today"...rather than hiding there, I'm stepping out and just writing something.

After all, if it stresses me out this much, there's must be something to it...right?