I was struck by this idea the other night and then immediately convicted by the plethora of trophies I use to define myself and assign value to my presence in the world. What would happen if I took all of these things away? What would be left?
What would happen?
The first thing that would happen would likely be a total freak-out on my part. I'd run and hide! After all, who would want me if all of that was taken away? I imagine myself much like Eve in the garden...hiding in the bushes, fearing being found. The interesting thing is, I am already hiding. I hide behind my trophies because I don't believe that I am enough without them.
As I type this blog I am sitting across the table from my wonderful husband. He didn't marry me because of my skill set. At no point in our dating did BJ say, "Hmm...she sure can make a good casserole. Now that's a keeper!" He married me for my presence. He married me because of the woman that God created. He loves that woman without apologies, so why don't I? Why do I "apologize" for myself by trying to prove to the world that I am good enough to be here? Good enough to be loved?
I'll be honest, I thought I had climbed this mountain and successfully reached the other side. After years of struggling with my sense of worth, I took a deep breath and "moved on" from my insecurities. No more fears about my value from now on! It's smooth sailing from here on out! Right? Oh wait...you mean this is an on going process? I'm just scratching the surface? Cool. If you need me I'll be hiding behind that bush. Thanks.
Seriously though, this is a process. The work I have done here before was good, but it wasn't complete. I'm guessing it won't be complete until I am with the One who made me. So rather than hiding, I have to keep working. And while the work to let go of these chains may not be complete, I am complete.
What would be left?
I am not the sum of my achievements. My life is not a resume (taken from "The Art of Being"). I am a loved daughter of God. I am beautiful and complete as His creation. I will not insult Him by apologizing for His creation. Anything I do is to enhance His Kingdom, not mine. As long as my efforts are focused on building up my Kingdom, I will fail miserably.
Regardless of whether or not we love Him back, we are all desperately loved by our Creator. His work is perfect and complete. There is nothing that we can do to improve upon it.
Psalm 46:10
"Cease striving and know that I am God"
Like I said, this is a process and I will fall down and get up many times before I'm done...but I will not hide.
